Remembrance
by ReidFan24-7
Summary: Sequel to More Than Doubt. 18 months have passed and everything has changed. Reid is comatose. Ben has escaped. The clocks unknowingly ticking. But with the BAU team falling apart, who's left to save the day? (Temporary summary *cringes)
1. Chapter 1: A Constant Reminder

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or Dr. Spencer Reid. But Ben's all mine!

A/N: HEY HEY HEY! I'm backkkkk! I promised a sequel and here it is! I do apologize for the excessive wait, but between a loss of inspiration and an excessive amount of school work, I was finding difficulty in updating. So as you guys know this is the sequel to my previous story **More Than Doubt** and for any one new checking out this story, it is almost essential to read my previous story in order to understand what is going on. This is a story heavily based on the events that took place in the last story. So please take a look at the other one-first, if you are willing to give this one a shot XD. Otherwise, you will be very confused. :/

I feel inclined to note that the summary I have posted is temporary and will hopefully be improved. I didn't feel like trying to work one because it would take forever and I really wanted to post this after al this time. So yeah...

ANNND, previously I had considered the shipping of Emily and Reid, but I have decided that since my first story originally had no pairings I would just leave it that way. I'm not big on romance and I want this story to focus more on suspense and action rather then all that mushy gushy stuff. Sorry! :/ (However, there may (will) be some vibes, and we will occasional take a trip to Emily's subconscious, so who knows what's going on up in there ;)

Also, just a general warning. I am not a doctor, nor have I ever claimed to be, therefore I apologize for any flawed medical information, now and in the future.

Also thanks to everyone who continued to motivate me while I was away! I wanted to give a BIG shoutout to **diehardcriminalminds** who even after all this time continues to motivate and inspire my updates! Thank you so very much! This chapter is dedicated to you :). I hope you enjoy!

Now enough with my ramblings. I now present you with the sequel. Enjoy ;)

-:-

 **Remembrance**

Chapter One: A Constant Reminder

-:-

It was yet another warm, sunny day that Morgan found himself making his way up the long and all too familiar steps of the Hospital entrance way. As he approached, he paused, as he always did, and looked at the large, red lettered sign looming over head: Virginia General Hospital. He felt the familiar tightening in his chest, a slight breathlessness as air caught, and he forced himself to swallowed back the lump that had formed in his throat.

It was just another day. Another visit. He had done it countless times before. But like every other time, he found himself perpetually stuck, transfixed by the lettering of the hospital entrance, as if too afraid, too weak to enter. He could not understand; it was the reality of it all that got to him. The day after day visits for a purpose he found himself loosing faith in.

Virginia General Hospital. He closed his eyes and took a deep controlling breath.

Even after all this time...

* * *

 _"BP dropping...vitals-vitals, Mitch..." the younger paramedic looked to an older man who was working on bandaging the bloodied chest wounds, "he's going into hypotension."_

 _The older man eyes darted toward a small monitor as it began beeping rapidly. He quickly finished covering the wound and went to grab something from under the gurney._

 _"His vitals are so low...how has he not..." The younger man mumbled, his eyes locked on the monitor. His hands worked sloppily as he hooked the young man up to an IV. "Oh my..."_

 _A fury of loud beeps erupted suddenly._

 _Reid's body began to jerk and convulse._

 _"He's seizing!" The younger paramedic yelled, gripping the bony arms of the young man. The newly bandaged wounds began leaking blood. Limbs flailed wildly, jerking in random motions. "Damn it!" The older paramedics movements were quick and well practiced. He pulled a syringe from the box and injected it quickly in the IV port._

 _Seconds ticked by, feeling like an eternity._

 _The convulsing slowed. Reid's head lollied to the side, his body still. The rapid beeping slowed to steady, constant chirps._

 _Morgan watched helplessly. Unmoving._

 _"BP critical. The kid needs an immediate transfusion. God, we need an OR…"_

* * *

Morgan shook his head of the memory, wincing slightly. The memories of that night never left him, and intensified with his every step closer to the hospital.

Dark brown eyes remained glued to the large red lettering. A constant reminder.

An eternity encompassed within a matter of minutes passed, and finally Morgan pulled his gaze away.

He drew his dark fingers into tight fists, and forced himself to take those final steps forward into the building.

The double doors opened automatically and he was hit with the familiar chilled air, astute chattering, and shuffling of doctors and patients. The overall atmosphere of hospital life that he had grown accustom to.

It had been 18 months since that night, since Reid had been admitted. And Morgan had visited him every week.

In the earlier months, Morgan had taken time off work in order to see Reid. He had come every single day to the hospital. To sit at the agents bed side, to simply talk to him, hoping that maybe, maybe, one of these days, his words would reach him. Pull his partner, his brother, back to life.

However, that mentality had been short lived.

While Morgan had promised himself to never give up on that kid, to do everything in his power to right all his wrongs, Reid's life remained on pause, suspended between the living and nonliving.

Morgan's did not.

...Quantico...

The Behavioral Analysis Unit team hadn't been able to properly assess a case in months. For the FBI, this type of behavior was profoundly unprofessional; unacceptable in nature. The Federal Bureau of Investigation was an organization founded on suppressed personal emotion and meticulous, rigorous thought. But for the people behind the crisp black suits, dark glasses, and sleek revolvers their job became a matter of coping, a means of finding a distraction to keep from falling apart.

A diversion.

Today the team, minus Morgan, sat at the round table, contemplating the same case for months. Amongst the group was JJ and Hotch who once again presented the very same case details and evidence to the others. It wouldn't be unrealistic to say that the information was branded in their memory. Yet Rossi, Emily and Garcia watched apprehensively.

 _"Every aspect of this case has been examined and reexamined, but there is still no evidence disproving or supporting the assumption of an inside job..."_ The deep, professional voice of Aaron Hotchner pierced the quiet of room as he looked toward his team. Every since he had returned to work, Hotch had redefined his job requirements. He was acting Unit Chief, it was his responsibility to relate the evidence, gather the information, interview the suspects, and most of all, protect his team. An excessive scrutiny had overcome the usually composed and collected man. He had developed an insecurity, one that blemished his impeccable ability; it was a belief that no matter his efforts, no matter his hard work and determination, he was always one step behind, and therefore, would always fall short in keeping his family safe.

JJ redistributed the same case files and continued the statement when Hotch paused, "...a middle man. Someone who is working on the inside and was in contact with him. Most likely a relationship prior to his own incarceration or entrance to the prison. And a suspect in the recent attacks..." She placed the last case file in the hand of Rossi, who acknowledged it with a slight nod of the head. JJ simply resumed her position back at the front of the room, her expression blank. Her voice monotonous and barren as she continued speaking. She had taken on an almost robotic quality. One that did not express, nor feel. Strictly professional, more or less.

Rossi proceeded, _"Security footage, witness testimonies...all evidence is lacking. The Warden stated that the prison experienced a power failure lasting for exactly 63 seconds..."_ The change in the older man was frighteningly evident as well. The dryness of his past sarcasm, was a dryness that had spread to every aspect of his being. He was no longer the fun spirited Rossi, but an old man that seemed to have aged a billion years in the past 18 months. His natural bravado and charm seemed to have disappeared.

 _"...Every electronic device received an encrypted code from an unidentifiable source, signaling for a collective shutdown. I'm still unable to track or figure out the encryption..."_ Garcia briefly looked around at the other members, before taking off her glasses and rubbing her puffy eyes. "Even after all this time. I still can't track him," Garcia thought out loud. She nervously fingered the hem of her dark, plain blouse, a habit that she had developed, and was unable to disguise the small sob echoed within her voice.

She couldn't do it.

Still.

Even after all this time...

She let him down. She was letting Reid down _again!_

 _Images. A sudden burst of suppressed memories flew within her mind. So many images of that night. The knife. The blood. Those wicked eyes..._

Garcia's breathing started to quicken and drew the other's attention.

This was not a _rare_ occasion.

Without a word, Rossi reached into Garcia's large bag resting against the table leg, and pulled out the small bottle that lay on the top of all her things. He popped the lid with practiced hands and slid two pills from his palm into Garcia's. JJ already had a glass of water ready.

Without a second thought, Garcia swallowed her medication in a single efficient movement, accepting the water from JJ and the soothing from her hand rubbing comforting circles in her back. Within minutes, Garcia's breathing returned to normal.

She closed her eyes, unaware of the cup she was crushing in her hand, and slowly counted down from 30. Like in her therapy sessions.

 _"...We have been asking ourselves the same questions for the past month..."_ It was Emily who continued with the lingering thought. She gazed at the others through a hardened expression. Her face softened slightly as her eyes found Garcia's quivering form. She had been effected the worse.

What she had been forced to do...Emily could not bare to think about it, had forever changed her.

Emily, herself knew she had changed, if not the most. Compared to the others, she seemed to be the most collected and composed. She was able to keep her external emotions under control. She had spent her whole life practicing.

But on the inside, however, Emily was not ok.

She felt completely empty.

Hollow.

18 months. Since.

Everything.

The uncovered emotion. The revelations. The indescribable pain.

Her whole world, turned upside down. It all seemed surreal.

" _How did the fucking son of a bitch do it..."_ Her voice trailed off into the emptiness of the room, as it always did. Her mind relaying the memories of the past 18 months, the Hell that she, that _they_ all were forced to live through.

Indescribable.

It had been over a year that the BAU team had been contemplating this case, and still could not devolve a reasonable explanation. The reasoning to why they could not, as well remained unanswered. Every aspect of the case itself was exceedingly personal, and seemingly required an unbiased, general perspective; however, every time Strauss attempted to hand the case over to another team, Hotch threatened to resign. The other members quickly following suit. Against her better judgment, the Section Chief decided that she could not afford to loose such a well respected team, so the BAU team remained employed and on the case.

The rooms heavy silence was broken when Hotch's phone rang suddenly.

"Hotchner."

The room once again grew silent at the look that overtook his face. His phone fell to the floor.

"Hotch…?" JJ regarded him with slight curiosity. Her guarded expression dropped as she met his glassy eyes.

She covered her mouth as she choked back a sob.

"Aaron?" Dave's voice sounded. But he to trailed off into silence.

A collective realization.

Emily gasped. _After all this time..._

"He's awake."

 _…_ Hospital…

His face retained the look of little boy innocence, but his body was a constant reminder of all that he had been through. Morgan leaned in the chair beside Reid's bedside, gripping the young man's hands tightly in his own.

A hand bearing only 3 fingers. Morgan unconsciously fingered the nub where Reid's pinky and ring finger should have been. A constant reminder.

"We are getting real close to a lead, kid." Morgan said softly. "It's been 4 months but we are so close. I know it. I can feel it, kid. You know, like that gut feeling Gideon always used to talk about..."

Morgan waited. The room remained silent, with the exception of the droning beats of the heart monitor and the young agents steady breathing. He gazed at his comatose friend. His eye's involuntarily filling with tears. It physically hurt Morgan to see his friend, his brother in this state. But he couldn't bring himself to look away.

It was his fault.

"Kid..." Morgan sighed, and finally cast his head down so his eyes glimpsed the floor. A tear soundlessly slid down his cheek. Morgan squeezed his eyes shut.

"It's been 18 months, Reid. I've come here every week and still nothing. I can't keep doing this, none of us can. You gotta fight Reid. And wake up. It's been over a year man." Morgan choked back a sob. "I still haven't been able to tell you how sorry I am. For everything."

Morgan bowed his head, allowing his tears to freely fall to the floor. He held Reid's hand tightly as if it would keep him from drowning in his own sorrows.

He squeezed. And cried.

Ignoring a slight pressure in return. Simply a figment of his imagination.

Morgan brought his head to rest on the blanket near Reid's side.

"Please...kid..."

Another slight pressure.

"...Ple-"

Morgan stilled.

 _Had he...?_

Slowly, he brought his face up to face his comatose friend.

His eyes becoming extraordinarily wide as he met the gaze of familiar hazel eyes.

"Reid..."

The agent stared back for the first time in 18 months.

 _"NURSE!"_

...Maximum Security Prison: _(4 Months Ago)_ …

Aside from the slight shuffling of footsteps, and the occasional clatter of his shackles, the only other sound that pierced the dark, silent night was the heavy breathing of the police officer who was guiding the young man through the prison hallway.

Despite his current position, the young man walked with a confident, elated step.

A life sentence in prison.

Death to be determined.

Yet tonight, after 14 months, would be his last day.

Simply a matter of moments

He was yanked back suddenly into the blubbered body of the officer who's putrid breath threatened to suffocate him.

"Window of exactly 63 seconds," The Officer whispered harshly. He brought his face so close to the prisoner's face that his spit splattered his cheek. "You take the pill at exactly 5 AM and do as I have instructed." The officer pulled his face away and went about unlocking the prisoner's restraints. He placed a small, oval shape capsule in his palm before opening his cell and shoving him inside.

The slamming of the door echoed in the quiet.

The young man listened as his footsteps faded, closed his eyes and smiled. He gripped the pill tightly, gently rubbing it's smooth, rounded surface with his course and bony fingers.

Finally.

He pulled himself to lean against the cool brick of his cell wall.

Finally.

The time read 4:59. He waited.

5:00.

He forced the large capsule down his throat. His lips curled into a wide smile.

"I'll be seeing you soon, brother..."

A/N: Reviews, comments, critiques :) -I worked on my spelling, hope you can tell. XD


	2. Chapter 2: Awakening

Disclaimer: ASDFGHJKL...I STILL DON'T.

A/N: I will keep this note to a minimum. But I really want to say THANK YOU! All your kind words and critiques really mean the world to me. I really hope that you enjoy Chapter 2. :)

-:-

 **Remembrance**

Chapter Two: Awakening

-:-

...Hospital _(1 Week later)..._

 _"How is he?" Morgan questioned upon entering Reid's hospital room, catching sight of Dr. Robinson. His voice was low, steady, bare of any emotion_. _The tall, well built doctor turned slightly to gaze at the agent who had just spoken, now standing in the doorway with a blank expression. Dr. Robinson straightened after first scribbling something down on a clipboard he had gripped in his hand, and locked eyes with Morgan who remained standing, utterly motionless. The doctor noted the whitening and slight quiver of his hands._

 _"Give it to me straight Doc," Morgan sighed. "I don't need any 'sugar coat'. Just the truth." Morgan's eyes' unconsciously_ wandered _to where Reid lay, motionless in a ginormous hospital bed that seemed to be enveloping him. Covered in endless amounts of wires and blankets, he appeared to be more machine than human. Silently, Morgan took a seat in the worn green chair at his bed side, and gently took Reid's limp hand into his own._

 _Dr. Robinson sighed heavily at the sight, recalling the countless times before where Morgan had done this. This was not his first case with a comatose patient, but that didn't make it any less painful._

 _Morgan's dark, sad eyes drifted up to Mr. Robinsons and the doctor knew he could not delay the inevitable any longer. In a practiced and composed voice, "Dr. Reid's vitals are stable, but his condition has not changed. There has been no improvement." He paused to allow Morgan a second to process, than continued. "With the amount of trauma he experienced and lack of improvement after all this time, it is more than likely that Dr. Reid's condition will... not change."_

 _Emotion overwhelmed Derek for less than a second, causing his guarded expression to falter, but he quickly suppressed it, and retained his unwavering gaze._

 _"Agent Morgan, there are not many options and as more time continues to pass, the likely hood of Dr. Reid's survival, decreases. At this point, there is about a 85% to 90% chance he doesn't survive."_

 _"But there_ ** _is_** _still a chance." Morgan interrupted._

 _Dr. Robinson sighed, expecting this reaction. "Yes, but less than about 15%…"_

"Morgan," The gruff, steady voice of Hotch drew Morgan from his thoughts and the agent quickly looked around the room, as if he suddenly realized where he was. He caught sight of his team and Dr. Robinson, who was standing before them, watching him curiously.

Morgan met Hotch's gaze who silently instructed him to focus on the meeting. The Unit Chief knew Morgan was facing conflicts ever since Reid's awakening-a raging internal battle.

He was evidently loosing...

Morgan took a deep calming breath, gaining control over his racing heart and quickened breaths, and forced himself to focus on the reappearance of Dr. Robinson's authoritative voice.

"Dr. Reid's condition is remarkably better. His vitals are stable, he is responding well to treatment and he is interacting well with the staff," Garcia's face glinted with a premature sense of hope, which quickly faded with the doctors next words. "However, he has sever amnesia."

The room quieted, but his words lingered in the tense air.

"Amnesia," Rossi repeated slowly, as if unable to grasp the concept.

Dr. Robinson nodded, "It's very common in these type of cases, especially with trauma so severe. The mind is unable to handle reality and blocks it from memory. In some cases, these memories are simply repressed and can be retrieved, but in other cases, its permanent…"

"Permanent?" JJ croaked. "You mean, Spence won't remember any of us?"

"Well, no. Dr. Reid has been showing signs of what is called selective memory loss, a form of amnesia where he forgets specific portions of an occurrence: he clearly remembers all the memories before his kidnapping, so he will remember you all and his work and so on, but he has no recollection of the events following his captivity."

Once again, the room was enveloped in silence.

 _Amnesia,_ the word rang in Morgan's head. He couldn't help the feeling of hope flutter in his chest.

Dr. Robinson misread the brow and tight jawed expressions of the BAU team as uncertainty and proceeded to elaborate, "These type of cases are very sensitive. It is essential that Dr. Reid be reintroduced into a familiar environment. Also, and I cannot stress the importance of this enough, but it is absolutely crucial that he understands the details of what he has forgotten. There is a 50/50 chance Dr. Reid will regain his memories, and there will be serious effects if he is not prepared for them. Understand."

While it was unnecessary, Garcia nodded furiously, her eyes slightly puffy and red.

Hotch dark, eyes flashed and he stated, "Understood."

"Ok, good," Dr. Robinson said, clasping his hands together. "Then I don't see any problem in releasing Reid within the next week. I will conference with you, Agent Hotchner, about the details of his physical therapy, and further details of his release. Dr. Reid is allowed to have one visitor at a time and I do suggest that you begin to elaborate on what he has forgotten." Dr. Robinson then flashed a quick smile, before reaching out and shaking Hotch's and Rossi's hands. "While I really do like all of you, I hope that I never see you here again. "

"Thank you," Hotch said, and the doctor nodded.

The team began exiting the room slowly. Garcia, JJ, and Emily all appeared to be in a state of shock. Hotch and Rossi retained a neutral expression, but their eyes remained heavily set, focusing on something in the distance, something that wasn't there.

Morgan followed from behind feeling faint as Dr. Robinson's words rang in his head. _There was a_ ** _50%_** _chance that Reid would not remember being kidnapped._

He would forget everything….

The torture inflicted by Ben.

The extreme hunger, thirst, desperation.

The indifference of his own family.

The death of his mother.

All of it.

Forgotten from his memory, lost to the past. Forgiven with newfound innocence.

Reid would be given a second chance.

To live free of agony and betrayal. A chance to start over.

A second chance.

But most of all…

 _Morgan_ would be given a second chance.

…Outside Reid's Hospital Room…

The team stopped outside Reid's hospital room, perplexed by the whole situation. Once again, a long, thoughtful silence enveloped them. It seemed like an eternity until the dry, resonate voice of Rossi arose, "It's ironic, really. The kid is given a chance to forget the horrors of his past, and yet we are the ones who must force him to remember."

"He will never forgive us," Garcia squeaked. "After everything, how can he... We hurt him so much," Her breath began to quicken as her eyes filled with tears. JJ pulled Garcia into a warm, comforting hug and rubbed slow circles on her back, desperately trying to calm her down.

"He's never going to be able to recover. We don't even know half of what Ben did to him. It's _our_ fault he was taken, if we are the ones that make him remember..." Emily's voice trailed off and Morgan's suddenly took its place.

"We can't tell him."

Everyone turned to look at Morgan, who was standing away from the group and had been silent for the most part. He lifted his gaze from his hands, and looked hopefully at the others. "We _can'_ t tell Reid. Please." Morgan's voice broke and the effort it took for him to retain his composure was evident. "We have a second chance. To do things right this time. We can't hurt Reid again."

Hotch walked over to Morgan and gripped his shoulder, his dark eyes flashing with his understanding. "Derek, you know we have to do this. I know you know that. This isn't a decision left up to us. What happened, even if Reid doesn't remember, will always be a part of him. Always. He's covered in scars, both physically and mentally...everywhere. We all are."

Morgan shook his head, quickly swiping at a tear that streaked from his eyes. His voice was barely above a whisper. "We can save him, Hotch. We can save him from all the pain and torment that he went through. He can have a chance at a normal life again." Morgan gave up suppressing his emotions and allowed his eyes to fill with tears that quickly dripped down his face. "Reid was given a second chance. We all were. Please."

Hotch's gaze softened and he sighed. He looked at Morgan, and wanted nothing more than to walk away, to forget their history, and go on living as if the past year and a half had never happened.

But how could he?

It was not his decision nor right.

Hotch felt something break within him as he pulled away from Morgan's desperate face. It was as if he could feel his agent's pain and heart ache. Yet he continued on.

The other's remained silent, almost all had tears in their eyes.

Reid's awakening opened a new chapter. The team no longer had to face the endless torment of waiting, instead had to face the true damage that had been done.

The damage that had been their fault.

Hotch opened the door to Reid's hospital room and stepped inside.

...

The moment Hotch entered Reid's small hospital room, he quickly turned to face the door, and slowly pulled it shut. He could not mask the intensifying guilt and anguish that suddenly rose within him nor the emotion that fluttered within his chest.

Hotch forced himself to remain composed, but his knuckles whitened from the force of his grip. He inhaled a deep, calming breath.

 _Pull yourself together Aaron. You_ ** _have_** _to do this,_ Hotch thought, slowly exhaling. He closed his eyes, and drew in another, _you have to do this..._

After all this time...

Hotch regained control and forced himself to turn around, releasing his grip on the door. His heart skipped a beat as he met a pair of light, hazel eyes washed over with messy brown hair.

Reid.

Hotch found that he couldn't move, and simply stared at the young man, this ghost from his past.

He was the same Reid: bony and pale, with long messy brown hair that cascaded over his long forehead and covered his bright hazel eyes. He wore a thoughtful expression and he was biting his bottom lip. A nervous habit that Hotch didn't know he had missed.

Hotch took a cautious step forward, but suddenly his world dissolved from around him. He was back in the cellar, returned to the pain and darkness, facing the monster he had mistaken for...

 ** _"Your delusional Reid," Hotch replied simply. "There is no other Reid. There is only you." Ben's voice echoed in the back of his head..._**

 ** _"Is that really what you think?"_**

 ** _The confidence of his own voice: "It's what I said, isn't it?"_**

He had been convinced.

"Hotch?" The Unit Chief was almost started by the sudden appearance of a familiar voice. He refocused his gaze on the young man sitting in the hospital bed, and smiled slightly at Reid's curious expression.

"It's been a long time Reid." Hotch stated, unable to conceal the emotion in his voice. "It's really good to see you..."

 ** _Hotch stared at Reid's crumpled form as he thought, his mind returning to the case and the memories it held. He recalled the events in perfect clarity, remembering the feelings and emotions he had felt._**

 ** _He remembered Reid. The real Reid. But now it was too late._**

"How are you feeling?" Hotch asked, desperately trying to shake away the memory. Reid smiled shyly, oblivious. Hotch felt emotion well up inside him at the sight. His anguish, hope, only increasing.

Reid's smile was replaced by a thoughtful and deep look, "I feel like I have been dreaming all this time, and even now I'm still not awake, not really. There's something thats missing..." Reid shrugged, furrowing his brow. "Hotch what happened? How did this happen?" Reid tentatively rose his hand, the one that only bore 2 fingers and a thumb...

Hotch swallowed hard, as his mind once again plummeted in memory.

 ** _He had made a critical mistake, but by the time he realized it Rossi had already asked for the hint and it was far too late. Panic and regret rose inside him as Ben smiled diabolically, grabbing one of Reid's hands. Spreading the fingers apart, he raised the knife above his head. "...hint's come with a cost." In one swift motion, he brought the knife down._**

 ** _It had been Hotch's fault._**

 ** _"_** What is the last thing you remember?" Hotch choked slightly. It was obvious what he had done, but Reid simply nodded and responded,"I can't remember anything after the Wilson case..."

Hotch exhaled slowly. They had been on that case about a week before Reid was taken.

Another step and Hotch took a seat in the faded green chair besides Reid's bedside. The man before him was Reid. The Reid he had grown to love, and remembered from the days when they first met. The Reid that had been shy, and awkward yet still impressed with bravado and intelligence.

Reid watched Hotch expectantly, but the older agent couldn't seem to find the words to begin.

 ** _Suddenly, he was back in the BAU, Jason Gideon standing beside him. They both were watching a young, tall and skinny man, with messy brown hair, struggle to carry what appeared to be 20 case files and 3 boxes down to his desk. Hotch couldn't help the slight smile that tugged at his lips._**

 ** _Gideon suddenly spoke, chuckling as he watched the kid stumbled slightly over his own feet, but manage to stay upright, "He's a good kid, Aaron. With a big brain but even bigger heart. I have been working with him for a long time and he has the potential to do great things." The older agent turned toward Hotch and gripped his shoulder. "I know you will take good care of him."_**

"Hotch?" Reid asked, his voice filling with concern. "Are you alright?" Hotch eyes stared at nothing in particular as his mind rang with the memory.

 ** _"I know you will take good care of him."_**

Gideon's words echoed in his head. Hotch brought himself back to reality, catching the bright gaze of his concerned agent.

 ** _"I know you will take good care of him."_**

It was than that Hotch made a decision that he knew he would regret...


	3. Chapter 3: Memory is a Dangerous Thing

There is really nothing I can say to make up for all the time that has passed. For a while, I thought I would never come back to this story. However, THANK YOU to everyone who never gave up on me, who reviewed, favorited, followed, the "whole shebang", as well as a special thanks, as always, to **diehardcriminalminds** , who brought me back! (again :).

Also, this is more of a transition chapter. It doesn't have much action but its setting the stage for some pretty interesting stuff. I hope you guys enjoy!

I can't promise regular updates, but feedback is always a nice prompter. :)))

 **Remembrance**

Chapter Three: Memory is a Dangerous Thing

[0][o][0]

Reid's fingers trembled as he struggled to fastened the last of his buttons, but the movement was no longer noticeable to him. In fact, Reid had grown accustom to the many alterations he had to make upon waking up from the coma. The coma that he had spent the last year and a half of his life in from "the accident" that he had no recollection of.

That was what everyone was calling it, "the accident". The mysterious accident that would forever change his life.

Unconsciously, Reid traced a finger over the two stubs that marred his left hand. The place where his ring finger and pinky should have been, and sighed. It wasn't an unbearable injury nor one that debilitated him in any way. Aside from the amnesia, and a slight limp the doctor said could be corrected with proper physical therapy, none of his injuries physically handicapped him. But that wasn't the problem.

Reid's hands dropped to his sides as he stepped in front of the wall mirror. But he didn't look at himself. Instead, he watched the floor intently as he neatly tucked his shirt in pants. After smoothing out all the wrinkled and creases, he went to folding his cuffs. His fingers moved slowly in an unpracticed way that only further affirmed how much time had passed. His eyes caught the darkened scar around his wrist and he was mindful to keep the shirt at a length long enough to cover it up. He shuddered slightly at the sight of it.

Reid's eyes didn't return to the floor, but ventured to the bottom of the mirror where he gazed at the reflection of his dark shoes that reflected the over headlight. Then, his eyes made their way up his body slowly, starting from his shiny black shoes up to light grey pants which were fastened by a dark black belt and stored a blue button up, only to hesitate at a half buttoned collar, that only partially hid the dark scar that marred his skin, before finally reaching his face.

Reid froze as his bright hazle eyes stared back at him and he felt the familiar overwhelming emotion raise up inside him. Intense, seemingly irrational feelings of disgust, fear, and anger. He looked away.

"The accident" had changed him. Both on the surface and beneath, but in ways that he could not fully understand. And while he desperately wanted to know what happened him, there was a part of him that recognized the benefit in not knowing.

"Kid?" Morgan called from outside the door, prompting Reid to move away from the mirror and open the door. He met the familiar gaze of the older agent who offered him a reassuring smile. "Are you ready?"

For a moment, Reid's expression gave way to the uneasiness he was feeling, but it quickly disappeared as the young agent nodded "Yeah," he said, softly. Then a bit stronger, " I am."

Derek's dark eyes searched Reid's face. "Kid, no one is forcing you to come back so soon." He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, noticing as he slightly flinched away from the touch. "After everything"-he swallowed down the lump in his throat-"take as much time as you need."

"I'm ready, Derek." Reid affirmed. "Plus, its not like I remember any of it anyway." He offered Morgan a small smile, though his eyes flashed with pain and suppressed frustration, even anger. The older agent nodded in understanding and moved out of the way so Reid could pass. He grabbed his satchel, which had been laying on the kitchen table, and pulled the strap over his shoulder before walking out the door.

Morgan leaned on the door frame watching him. It seemed like only yesterday he was sitting beside his bed, pleading with him to wake up. Or even, seeing him in that basement, meeting his gaze for the first time in over a year.

Finally they had gotten him back. But it was like a part of him was still trapped in that basement. They had all left something behind in that basement.

[0][o][0]

Reid felt happy the moment he walked into the BAU. Everything was as he remembered it. Dark suits, sophisticated faces, the faint yet ever present smell of caffeine. He smiled and looked over at Morgan. "It's good to be back."

"It hasn't been the same without you," Derek flashed him a bright, white smile. "Come on, the team's waiting." Reid followed Derek as he began heading towards the conference room. As they walked, Reid looked around at everything, smiling at how familiar everything felt and realizing just how much he had missed it all.

They passed his desk which was empty aside from his name block and a platter of chocolate chip cookies. Reid's brow furrowed in confusion, "Morgan?"

"Julie, the red head in processing." He flashed Reid a quick smile as he read the small note beside the cookies, and winked, "My man." Reid ignored him, shaking his head. He took a few moments before he began to follow Morgan again, allowing his fingers to linger on the smooth surface for a few moments, smiling at the thought of working again. Then he continued after Morgan who was waiting for him at the top of the stairs.

Reid continued to look around in complete memorization, and, as a result, he failed to notice the agent that stopped in front of him and just about bumped into him. "Dr. Reid." He recognized the man as agent Bultoiski, "It's good to have you back." He stuck out his hand, which Reid shook reluctantly. "Thank you." The agent nodded before walking away. But he was quickly replaced by another agent. Then another. And another. Until it seemed like the whole department had stopped to shake Reid's hand and welcomed him back.

Morgan chucked at Reid's slightly overwhelmed expression, "Like I said, 'its good to have you back' kid." Reid countered, shoving his hands in his pocket, "I hope that was the last one. I appreciate the warm welcome but did you know that there is approximately 332,000 genetically distinct bacteria on the human hand. That of which belong to 4,742 different species and can cause over 24 diseases and over 53 different sicknesses."

Morgan rolled his eyes in bemusement. He looked over at Reid, who's expression had conformed to suppressed outrage as another person, Bill, from the department of WM, stepped in front of him and stuck out a dirty hand for him to shake.

Morgan swallowed back a chuckle and couldn't feeling that Reid hadn't changed so much after all.

[0][o][0]

"'This is your fault'," JJ deadpanned. "The latest murder victim had this carved across their chest. Victim was 27 year old Jackson Thomson, African American, 6'4, Maintenance worker who lived alone, and the cause of death was blood loss. There is no evident correlation between between chosen victim, aside from the cause of death." JJ sighed, and clicked the remote and the crime scene photos appeared across the monitor. "For 6 months now, the unsub, has been able to avoid us, and has left behind no detectable trace or pattern, aside from the victims cause of death. We know that he is a sadist who thrives by inflicting pain onto others and will not stop...until he gets what he wants. He kills victims every 2 months, and leaves a message carved into their bodies. But he remains undetectable." She looked around at the others, and said what everyone was thinking. "If we can't trace him, we _can't_ catch him."

"JJ." Hotch's voice was stern. "We can't think like that."

She threw up her hands in frustration, "Well what else can we do, Hotch? We have been at this for almost 6 months and still we have nothing. _Nothing!_ He has killed 3 people with no connection or traceable pattern and before we know it he's gonna go after Spence again. How are we supposed to protect him if we can't even find this son of a bitch?" Her voice had risen in hysteria and Garcia stood up and pulled her into a tight embrace. They walked over to the corner and took a seat.

Emily voice rose over JJ's muffled sobs, "She's right Hotch." She looked into her Unit Chiefs dark eyes. "If we don't figure out something soon..." She trailed off.

Hotch knew that they had a point. It had been half a year since Ben had escaped from prison and still they had not even once come close to catching him. He was extremely smart, and whenever it seemed like the team was getting close, picking up a trace, he disappeared and left them with nothing. The Unit Chief sighed and looked around the room at the others. The shattered remains of his once strong, confident BAU team. In the last 6 months everything had just fallen apart. They had lost the zeal and intensity that had once made them an effective, strong, passionate force. With failure after failure they had begun to loose pieces of themselves. The passion that had once fueled their confidence and commitment now intensified their frustration, panic, and vexation.

It seemed that no matter how hard they tried, none of them would be able to prevent the inevitable.

Hotch pushed that thought from his mind. He couldn't think like that. Not when the most dangerous unsub they had ever faced was still on the loose. Hotch knew for damn sure he wasn't gonna let him win.

He had made a promise to himself, to Reid.

He was gonna catch that son of a bitch, and when he did Benjamin Reid would never be able to hurt another person.

"It's time." Hotch said and the others looked at him. Gracias eyes widened. "Hotch you can't mean..."

All eyes drifted to the cardboard box in the corner of the room, filled with tapes.

[0][o][0]

Reid didn't know why his heart was pounding so hard, but he couldn't shake the feeling as Morgan knocked on the door. It seemed like forever since he had seen his team. All together, like a family.

But it wasn't like Reid hadn't seen them. He remembered the day when he woke up from his coma, Hotch had been the first one to visit him. Hotch had explained to him everything that the doctor couldn't: that he had been on a case, investigating a suspect when everything went bad. But the explanation lacked the details Reid craved and Hotch simply offered, "the accident". A single word that both failed and succeeded in explaining everything that had happened.

But Reid knew that there was more to "the accident" that everyone lead on about. He could see it in the way they acted around him. The uneasy softness to Garcia's voice. The emotion that clouded Morgan's eyes. Or the fact that Emily no longer smiled.

They were burdened by a tremendous secret. All of them. And a part of him longed to know the true.

The door opened and Hotch stood before them. The older man's grave expression conformed to the tug of his cheeks and he smiled. "Welcome back Agent." Reid slowly stuck out his hand, but the Unit Chief ignored it and pulled him into a hug. "Welcome back."

"Thanks Hotch." Reid replied. The older man pulled away, and nodded at him. Reid smiled, but couldn't help but notice that there was something off about Hotch. He seemed...shaken.

"Spence." JJ rushed forward and pulled Reid into a tight hug. She held him tightly, and he could feel her shake slightly. He pulled away and saw that she was crying. "JJ? Are you alright?" The blond nodded wiping her watery cheeks with the backs of her hands. She looked up and smiled warmly, though her eyes were cloudy-like Hotch's. "I'm just really happy your ok."

"Thanks JJ. Me too." He took a breath and turned to Rossi, who immediately pulled him into a fatherly embrace. "Glad you're back." Reid looked at the older agent curiously, but offered a smile and thanks.

Next, Reid looked to Garcia who seemed to be frozen, as she stood motionless in the corner of the room. Slowly, he walked over to her and tilted his head. "Garcia?" He asked in a soft voice. She didn't move for a while, until finally her eyes met his and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight as she cried into his shirt. He tried to pull away to get a look at her face, but she clung to him, for dear life, and Reid did nothing more but hold her until she finally let him go, turning away.

She fumbled around in her purse, until the quiet room filled with the familiar clattering of pills. A few moments, later Garcia had turned back to Reid, her breathing slowing pace.

"Don't-don't scare me like that again, Bambi." She smiled through her resonating sadness. She looked so fragile, and small, and Reid felt his heart drop at the sight. Could this all be his fault?

He pulled her into a another reassuring hug, "I promise I won't."

For a long while, Reid simply held her tightly as she sobbed.

The last person in the room hadn't moved since the younger agent had arrived, and now was watching the young man intently as he walked from agent to agent. The thumping and rhythmic pounding of her heart drummed through her entire body. After what she had just seen, she found herself almost unable to face him. She watched as he simply held Garcia in his arms as she cried, and she prayed that should would stay strong, if not for herself, but for Reid.

But when Reid finally turned to face Emily, she couldn't stop herself from the sob that escaped her lips and she pulled him into a tight embrace, hoping that even after she let go, he would still hold on.

For everyone in the room, aside from the genius, noticed that there was now one watched tape missing from the box in the corner of the room.

[0][o][0]

"You're on desk duty, Agent." Director Strauss said in an authoritative voice that left no room for argument.

But Reid found he couldn't stop himself from asking, "Is there no way that I can help on the-"

"No."

"What if I.."

"I said no!"

"If I were..."

"Dr. Reid, the _only_ out-of-office duty you can expect is a coffee run! You are assigned to desk duty until I say otherwise. Have I made myself perfectly clear?" Reid nodded quickly. "Now you are dismissed." Reid nodded and quickly exited her office, careful to shut the door softly behind him.

"Ouch!" Reid looked up and saw Morgan leaning against the door. "Even I felt that one."

Reid shrugged, "Worth a shot." Then he pulled out a 20. "You want any coffee? I'm buying."

[0][o][0]

The small café buzzed with a lively atmosphere and Reid was glad that he had left the BAU for a little while. He needed a break from everyone, which was strange, since it was still only 9:27 in the morning and he had only returned for approximately 47 minutes.

"Next."

A bit awkwardly, he walked up to the counter where a young girl stood smiling at him. "Good morning." She chirped. "What can I get you?"

"2 coffees, 1 black. The other extra milk and... 6 sugars." He scratched his head in slight embarrassment. The young girl smiled, "Don't worry, I like mine sweet too." She disappeared behind the counter. As Reid waited, he gazed around the small café. He had been their countless times before and in the year and a half absent nothing had changed. Well, except for Maria, his usual barista. He looked around for her but she wasn't there.

'I guess she quit', he thought, sighing in disappointment.

"Here you are, sir." The young girl, whose name tag read Elizabeth, said. "That will be 3.75." Reid handed her the money and watched as she made the transaction.

"Here is your coffee." Elizabeth smiled. "Hope you have a nice day."

He picked up his coffee, but before he could leave, despite himself, decided to ask.

"Um, Elizabeth?"

"The young girl looked up in surprise, "Yes?"

Reid rubbed a hand through his hair, a nervous tick he had when talking to girls, well people in general. "Would-would you know, uh-what happened to a barista that used to work here? Her name was Maria." He watched as the smile dropped from her face, her eyes growing sad.

"She-uh was killed." Reid's eyes grew impossibly wide and Elizabeth nodded sadly. "Yea, about a two years ago actually. Just about a-a month after I started working here. She was on her way home when...some guy attached her. He-well...she didn't make it."

Elizabeth pointed to the corner of the café that held a small memorial. "He was never caught."

Reid froze in disbelief.

"Did you know each other?" She asked softly and Reid answered as though he was in a daze, "I bought coffee from her every day. She was one of the nicest people I had ever met." He slowly walked over to the memorial. Inside the picture frame was indeed Maria's picture, he could recognize her bright smile anywhere. He stared at her face for a long while.

Suddenly, an image flashed in his mind and Reid lost hold of the coffees. They fell to the ground and spilled all over the floor. He failed to notice however, his gaze never leaving Maria's picture.

"Are you okay?" In the back of his mind he could hear someone speaking, but it was but a faint echo. "Your shaking."

Was he? Reid looked down and saw that his whole body was trembling. He felt faint. And before he knew it everything disappeared.

[0][o][0]

 _"And we are"-the clock changed to 12- "closed!" Maria flipped the sign over so that it read closed and locked the main entrance. For a moment she leaned against the door, rejoicing in finally be off the clock, before pulling down the shades. She walked over to the counter cleaned the machines and smiled at the cup that sat at the edge of the counter._

 _She walked over and read the black ink scribbled on the side, "Can I have your name for a change?" Followed by a blotchy phone number and a windy smily face. She felt butterflies well up inside her when she thought about him. The sweet FBI agent that ordered coffee from her every morning. She squealed in excitement._

 _When everything was cleaned and polished, she turned off the lights and locked the door behind her. She grasped the cup in her hand tightly as she began the mile trek to her apartment. Her car was being fixed in the shop._

 _But she didn't mind the walk. Actually she enjoyed it, sometimes even looked forward to the peacefulness after a long day. Rarely did she see anyone, and on the occasion that she did she knew how to handle herself._

 _She began humming, and her sweet voice filled the void of the empty night. Behind her, she failed to notice as footsteps approached._

 _A cold hand grabbed her wrist and Maria gasped. Her eyes widened, "its you."_

 _An icy metal blade pierced her abdomen and Maria withered to the floor. Her blood pooled where the killer stood._

 _The killer's hazel eyes shinned in the moon's luminescence as a bright smile filled his face. "This is **your** fault, Reid."_

[0][o][0]

"Sir? Sir?" Someone was shaking him. "Oh God, what do I do? What do I do?"

Reid opened his eyes slowly and stared up at Elizabeth, who's expression became relieved. "Oh thank God."

"What happened?" Reid asked, rubbing his head where he guessed he hit it at the edge of the table.

"I'm not sure. I turned to clean one of the coffee machines then I hear a loud _thud_ and the next thing I know is your on the floor." After a moment, she helped him to his feet.

"Thank you." Reid replied shakily. He couldn't remember what happened, but he felt sick and had this strange feeling that he couldn't explain.

He felt like he was forgetting something, something very important. He tried to remember, recounting every second proceeding his fall. He turned around and stared at Maria's picture. He knew that whatever happened had something to do with it. But he just couldn't remember what.

"Thank you for your help," Reid said shakily. "I'm sorry about the mess."

Elizabeth looked concerned, "Don't worry about it. Are you sure you're ok?"

Before he could answer his phone began to ring and he jumped. Smiling wearily he nodded before walking towards the door.

Maria watched him exit the café, and smiled.

She turned back to the picture frame. "It worked."


End file.
